Reflections on "Doors To Grief" Ep. 1
Andrew, Asteroid City, and what's ahead...
Hello! This is Julia, the host of Breathing Wind’s miniseries, “Doors To Grief.” The idea for this series came about through conversations with Ken Breniman, who was a guest in Season 1 (Episode 8) and hosted a miniseries in Season 2 (Episodes 32, 33, and 34).
Ken and I were brainstorming ideas for possible podcast guests, and searching for a common theme among our suggestions. What jumped out at me was that each proposed guest offered a different way of engaging with grief—through song, visual art, talk therapy, or somatic practices. To me, each person’s unique strategy represented a door to grief. Perhaps through conversation, we could unlock those doors together and glimpse their inner world more fully.
This first episode was a detour from the typical Breathing Wind guest list, in that the interviewee Andrew Clinnin, is not specifically working in a grief space. That being said, I did meet Andrew in a grief-centric way, through a website called The Dinner Party. In the site’s own words:
The Dinner Party is a platform for grieving 21-45-year-olds to find community, peer-led support, and build lasting relationships. Since 2018, The Dinner Party has connected more than 13,000 grieving peers to one another. We screen, train and support a growing network of peer Hosts, and connect them to 10-15 other grievers to form Tables.
Although some meetups are in-person (actual potluck-style dinner parties!) my group happens to be virtual. Andrew hosts our “table” for younger folks who have experienced partner loss and we meet up over Zoom to chat.
There isn’t usually a set topic; rather, we just let the conversation take us wherever it wants to go, based on how everyone’s week has been unfolding. One time this meant a fairly in-depth ranking of types of apples (I’m a proponent of Cosmic Crisp). Other times, it means discussing how to sort through your partner’s belongings, the tribulations of dating, or how to navigate meeting new co-workers. We also keep in touch via WhatsApp and have a shared calendar with wedding anniversaries and death dates, so that we know when to send some extra support to one another.
Andrew’s love for the movie Asteroid City became clear over time. He even has an Asteroid City shirt that makes an occasional appearance! As a group, we often discuss movies and TV shows that explore grief or young partner loss, but Asteroid City intrigued me because the widower’s grief isn’t the film’s central focus. Instead, it’s woven into a story full of whimsy, absurdity, and thoughtful subplots. I wondered: What makes this movie speak so deeply to Andrew’s loss? Are there more doors to grief like this one, hiding in plain sight? This felt like an interesting initial door to open.
So, here we are: Episode 1 of the miniseries! It’s been out for a little over a week, and some listeners have been inspired to watch (or rewatch) Asteroid City. I invite you to reflect on what movies, shows, and songs have validated your grief (and feel free to share them in the comments or via email)! Furthermore, I hope this episode invites some non-grievers to step into this space out of curiosity—after all, we will all be grievers one day if we aren’t already.
Here’s a clip from Asteroid City featuring two scenes that we discussed during the episode—one where the main character storms off the set and is advised to “keep telling the story” despite his confusion about the plot, and another where he meets the actress who was supposed to play his wife.
I deeply appreciated Andrew Clinnin’s candor and poignant observations. I was especially moved by his story about his wife Ellen’s experience as a standardized patient. I love how this movie has given Andrew a way to connect with his grief through a medium that was near and dear to Ellen—who was a talented stage actor, playwright, and, of course, a Wes Anderson fan.
Thank you for being here. I can’t wait to share Episode 2 with you this Tuesday, February 25th, which is a conversation about breathwork with Erin Collins!
Sending hugs from my home near Seattle (and from Asteroid City, USA),
Julia
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